Postpartum life, what the books don’t tell you

There are 5 million books on pregnancy and what to expect, what’s normal, etc. There are 5 million books on your baby’s development once they arrive. But what the heck happened to the advice and tips for MOM afterward? You don’t hear about this stuff in any book or in any birthing class!

I would’ve appreciated a little forewarning, so I offer the following from my experiences. Each kid came with a new surprise! No shame here in sharing.

No one warned me…

  • That I’d get horrid contractions, not only during labor, but for 3 days following. And yes they can be just as painful! Especially when breastfeeding. Oh my ouch. Moms of more than one child, as the nurse put it when I delivered baby #4 “it gets worse with each kid, take the pain medicine!”. Solid advice for a couple days.
  • That even picking your child up would cause your boobs to leak. Yea, there’s a reason they make those breast pads. I had terrible supply issues and those babies still found a way to leak at all sorts of inopportune times.nippledischargebanner.jpg__720x420_q85_subsampling-2_upscale
  • That having sex for the first time after delivering a child would be akin to someone stabbing a knife into your vagina, but only for a few moments. It’s like your body is taunting you, “are you sure you want to do that again?” Yea. Think about it.
  • That your hair would start falling out in clumps as if someone spiked your shampoo with battery acid and that said hair would be all over the place, in baby’s hands, wrapped around baby’s toes, in baby’s mouth, on the couch, in your food. Do they make a new mommy hair net? That hormone thing is no joke, wrecks all kinds of stuff getting knocked up and getting un-knocked up.141247_shutterstock-557050852_ls
  • That tampons would not stay in like they should, they seriously don’t stay in. I know what you’re thinking, I thought the same thing wondering if this will eventually go away or if I’d be sitting in a doctor’s office with 70 year old women asking about vaginal rejuvenation. 4 kids later I can tell you while it takes a bit of time those muscles will go back to normal, phew.
  • That you would take more pregnancy tests AFTER being pregnant than you ever did before. There’s like this weird paranoia that you get and you think you’re pregnant constantly, at least until you get to your 6 week check up and back on some sort of birth control.
  • That you would feel phantom baby kicks, yes as if you’re back in second trimester, it is a TRIP! Your stomach might even twitch to convince you that you are not hallucinating and said kicks will prompt you to pee on more sticks (see above).
  • That the line on your belly, that linea negra, would still be going strong months and months after delivery.
  • That your boobs would look like they had been ravaged by tigers after your milk comes in because they tripled in size and the stretchmarks you “thought” you had before would pale in comparison. Then after you’re done nursing your little human they’d shrink away like a deflated balloon. They’re never the same, ever again.d983d71c78a744591b2ccb7542405275
  • That you would understand your menopausal mother and the concept of being hot AND cold at the exact same time, also night sweats. Those are fun. And they go on… and on…. and on. Gross.
  • That your skin would go haywire complete with eczema, acne, and more issues that you never had while your body tries to remember what it was doing 9 months ago. Again, those hormones, joy.

I’m sure I will learn more as I go along and I’ll be sure to share, and if you have any please share!


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