While my Dad was sick I would often find myself singing this, if I heard it on the radio I’d tear up. I still do. It was a fitting ballad I guess as
he was we were fighting and still remains true now that he’s gone.
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over cause you’re gone
I’m not sure it made me stronger. Maybe one day at the end of my journey on this earth I’ll look back and be able to answer that with more certainty. What it did do was change my entire perspective on life. Especially given the fact that I was young when he died, I was 27. Most 27 year olds were worrying about what bar they were going to that evening or which Tinder date they were going to meet up with. Others were stressing out about potty training or wedding planning. Continue reading “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” →
I’m not even really sure how to write this post, or if I should write it… all I know is that it replays in my mind constantly and I feel like I need to get it off of my chest.
It is roughly one year to the day that we found out my Dad has cancer. It is also about 4 months since we were told that it had come back and is now stage IV. What a year it has been… I often talk about the hellish nightmare it is, nothing’s changed there. We should have a frequent flyer card for the hospital, even my 2 year old knows how to manuever through the rat maze that is Swedish Hospital, he’ll tell you exactly where to go to see “Grampa and his big owie”
A few days ago was another trek to the hospital. I got a phone call early in the morning from my step mom, clearly panicked, that my Dad had just left the house in an ambulance. He had gone to the bathroom and just as she went to check on him she caught him as he fell to the floor and proceeded to bleed out all over the bathroom floor. Continue reading “Trauma and Cancer, A Dynamic Duo” →
Chemo Letters- A little bit of reality, a little bit of inspiration, and a whole lot of love. Letters for my Dad as we travel this journey together, packed into his chemo bag along with treats like black licorice and hot rod magazines
Aug 11 2011
Well I’m sure you never guessed you’d ever be sitting here hooked up to wires getting chemo treatments… you and me both Dad. No one saw this one coming, not quite something you plan for your life. I hate that this is happening to you and that I can’t fix it, I wish I could close my eyes and make it go away. I’m so sorry that you’ve been chosen for whatever reason to endure this and if I could take on the burden myself I’d do it in a heartbeat. You deserve the world Dad… not this… definitely not this. But sometimes life deals you a shitty hand. It’s just another bump in the road, one that we will look back and laugh at, at least maybe a little bit. Continue reading “Chemo Letters Round 1 Day 1” →
Didn’t think it’d be that hard to write a post title. It’s been quite the rollercoaster of a year so far and this has just topped it all off. Talk about a shot to the gut. We’ve been on this shitty merry-go-round a few times already with several other family members, may they be my Dad’s angels in heaven and pull him through this, and yet we find ourselves here again… it really makes you wonder how much one person can take on their plate.
So needless to say the mommy blogging has taken a slight turn for some time. I’m busy raising babies and trying to be super mom and I’d love to tell you all about it but I dont have the motivation at the moment, still working my way through being depressed and processing this and therefore the only thing I have motivation to write about right now is cancer.
You awful beast from hell. UGH I hate this.
Cancer. Continue reading “My Dad Has Cancer” →